


Skating on an Ice Heart

by A_Winter, black_dranzer_1119



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Fluff, I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN, M/M, Phichit is amazing, Post-Episode 11, Yuuri and Viktor need to communicate, it's JJ style, probably, yes it is another one of those
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8940889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Winter/pseuds/A_Winter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_dranzer_1119/pseuds/black_dranzer_1119
Summary: During and after the Finals short program, Yuuri couldn't help but notice something was very off about Viktor. He just hoped it wasn't his fault.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Stayed up late to get this finished, since I wanted to get this out before the new episode made it redundant. This could only have been done with the help of my wonderful co-author who has sacrificed sleep to help me. Thanks Winter!!! 
> 
> Also, italics are for thoughts

 

Viktor was acting strange. Yuuri had noticed it first when Viktor had left him in the middle of their interview to watch Yurio skate. Viktor never left him alone; at least not like that. It only got worse from there as the short programs finished. Viktor just sat there, eyes slightly glazed as he looked out at the empty rink. He just stared at the ice, his expression unreadable, though Yuuri was not sure he wanted to know what Viktor was hiding behind that cold demeanor. Ghosts and shadows seemed to dance through his mind as Yuuri watched from his place behind his coach, though the other still seemed unaware of his presence. It was difficult to watch the Russian, usually so full of life, suddenly still and almost empty. Yuuri had seen many of Viktor’s expressions since they began training, but this was not one he had ever seen before. Yuuri looked away, a sense of foreboding settling on him.

When Yuuri approached Viktor and took his coach’s hand in his own, he tried to ignore the way the muscles tensed in surprise. "Hey, Viktor, I think we should head back now. I should probably get an early night and we should talk about some things before tomorrow."

Viktor just nodded by way of an answer and stood to follow, though their hands were still joined Yuuri couldn't help but notice how Viktor seemed to slow, as if to linger for just a moment longer by the ice. It reminded Yuuri of another Viktor, the Viktor that once used to fascinate Yuuri so much. Distant, but beautiful, a masterpiece on the ice that nothing could touch. Since Yuuri had met him, though, the Viktor that Yuuri had come to know was so expressive and joyous that it seemed paradoxical for him to be able to become so withdrawn.

It was these moments Viktor reminded him of the ice itself. Cold, mysterious and unreachable; strong and yet so incredibly fragile. Yuuri was reminded of the Viktor he had seen years ago,  the television screen between them, as the skater sat for an interview. He answered questions put to him, but seemed almost unaware of his surroundings. Yuuri has always thought during those shows that Viktor had left his heart on the ice to continue skating. Yuuri never felt the cold then, it was to be expected. It was only now that he was so close, with Viktor buried so deep in his heart, that he felt its chilling ache.

The walk back to the hotel was very quiet, they passed other skaters and guests with little more than an acknowledging nod. The further they walked the more anxious Yuuri became, as usually by this point Viktor would have suggested going out to dinner to celebrate, but Viktor said nothing as they entered the elevator to their floor. Yuuri's mind raced as the elevator seemed to creep up, their hands still clasped, but without skating to distract him, it became even more obvious just how strange Viktor was acting.

 _You did this_ , Yuuri's mind whispered. _Why couldn't you just land that quadruple flip? Viktor would be happy then. He would see you, he would care. You’re going to lose him like this, he left you to watch Yurio. To see the pupil he could have had, if he had stayed in Russia_.

Yuuri shook his head forcefully, to stop this train of thought as the exited the elevator. He forced his mind off Viktor and onto the other skaters, thinking of Yurio’s incredible performance. One thing Yuuri was certain of was that he couldn't be angry at Yurio for breaking Viktor's record, no matter how much harder it would make winning gold, if he still had a chance of that now.

 _Is that what Viktor is thinking about? Is he thinking about all the times I boasted about winning the Final with the power of love?_ Yuuri didn't know and it tortured him. Even a lecture would be better than that silence. It would have at least been something constructive Yuuri could take on board.

Yuuri opened the door to their room and thought to have a look at the room service menu he had seen earlier in one of the drawers, food was always a good distraction from his worries. He put the card key on the counter, thinking to grab the menu, but before he could move he felt Viktor’s fingers fall away from his own. Surprised Yuuri looked up only to see Viktor’s back disappear behind the solid wood of the bathroom door, the click of the lock seemed to echo in the small space.

 _I guess he's not hungry._ Yuuri thought to himself, trying to ignore the telltale tingle behind his eyes. The younger skater sighed and went to have a look at the menu himself, needing his distraction more than ever, but when he looked at the vast menu Yuuri felt his stomach turn painfully. After a long moment Yuuri put it back. _I guess I'm not hungry either_.

Instead, Yuuri's hand itched for his phone. Celestino had always banned him from social media between the two rounds of his competition and for good reason, his old coach understanding how sensitive Yuuri could be and how nervous it would make him. Yuuri looked to the locked bathroom door,  if even Viktor was acting weird, though, then maybe...?

_It couldn't hurt more than this, could it?_

Yuuri pulled out his phone and began to pace the room. For a long moment his fingers lingered over the apps, trying to work out which one he should press first. News? Twitter? Instagram?

As his pacing lead him suspiciously close to the wooden barrier between them Yuuri thought again of Viktor, the bathroom was too quiet. Yuuri knew Viktor wasn't in the shower and he wondered what he was doing in there. Before he knew it Yuuri had settled his back against the cold, unforgiving wood.

_Does Viktor just want to be away from me? Can he no longer stand to be in the same room as me, I lost focus and failed him, I know that, but..._

Yuuri pressed the FaceTime button instead and hit the first name on the list.

"Oh, hey Yuuri," Phichit said, looking a bit startled. Phichit was obviously out somewhere, though Yuuri couldn't tell where. _Maybe a restaurant?_

“Hey Phichit! Sorry to bother you…” Yuuri mumbled, feeling guilty for bothering his friend.

"I thought you would be busy with Viktor...” Phichit remarked cheekily with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, Yuuri’s face blanched. “Wait, did something happen with Viktor?"

_Am I that obvious?_

"No. No. I..." Yuuri said, before he stopped himself. "Maybe?"

"Darn. Okay, come by my room in ten. I'll order in," Phichit said, as he gazed with longing at his surroundings.

"No, you don't have to do that," Yuuri said and nearly dropped his phone in his enthusiasm.

"Ten minutes Yuuri. Don't keep me waiting," Phichit said and hung up.

 _Well, that was a mistake_. Yuuri couldn't believe that he was being so selfish. Phichit was clearly out to have a good time and now he would instead be spending his time, once again, nursing Yuuri's insecurities. Though he supposed that Phichit must be used to it by now. Spending a few years as rink mates and roommates had prepared him that much at least.

Yuuri leant his head back against the wood behind him, the bathroom was still silent. “Viktor…?” Yuuri called quietly, sorrow and uncertainty filling his voice.  

When he received no answer Yuuri moved away from the door, deciding to wait for Phichit at his room. He would have to wait a bit, but Viktor's distance was getting to him in a way he had not expected, it was worse than when Viktor returned to Japan during Yuuri's free skate. At least then it was just the physical distance that kept the apart, rather than because of any desire to be parted.

After he picked up the keycard and pushed his phone into his pocket, Yuuri left. He didn't say goodbye. He didn't know if Viktor even cared. As he walked down the hall, he was surprised to see he wasn't the only skater who had decided to stay in, though he wouldn't have expected to see **him**.

"Hey Yuuri," JJ said and gave Yuuri a smile.

"Oh, hi JJ," Yuuri said. _What do I say?_ There was so much that he could say, he knew that, but he didn't know if it was his place. He had barely even spoken to the guy before and he seemed to have such an air of distant confidence about him that Yuuri didn't even know how to begin talking to him.

When the silence stretched a bit long, JJ broke the tension, "See you at the free skate tomorrow." As JJ walked past him, Yuuri knew he couldn't just let things go like this.

"JJ, why do you skate?"" JJ, paused, not turned around, but he tilted his head back to show that Yuuri had his attention. "Sorry, it’s just I think I wish I had been asked last year and…”

"Why do I skate, huh?" JJ said, and clearly gave the question some thought. "I guess I skate because it’s all I know. My parents skated and  I couldn't ever imagine doing anything else.” He paused a moment before turning to Yuuri again  “Honestly, what we do shouldn’t be possible. When I get on the ice on those two thin pieces of metal and I dance on a surface that doesn't want anyone standing on it, much less moving, it feels incredible. My mind tells me that this ice is strong, that so many others have skated on it before me and will do so long after I retire, but in that moment, I feel like nothing else exists. I know I could be hurt, I know the ice could break, I know that I would be better off settling down and getting a comfortable job instead. I know all this and it almost seems absurd to think about, but that's life, ya know. Crazy, dangerous, but you never get anywhere if you don't take a few risks along the way." JJ turned and looked Yuuri dead in the eye. “I skate because that's just who I am.”

"Then I hope that, regardless of what happened today or what could happen tomorrow, you don't let anyone take that away from you," Yuuri said and to his surprise, JJ’s smile fell.

"But Yuuri, isn't that what you are doing?" JJ said. He had a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Huh?" Yuuri responds gracelessly. _What? How did he...?_

"Everyone knows you have one skate out of the rink already. In fact, many people wonder if Viktor was the only reason you came back to skating at all. So, Yuuri, maybe you still need someone to ask you; why do you skate?" JJ said, voice a challenge.

Yuuri froze, his mind suddenly in chaos.

 _JJ's right. Why do I skate? Why do I spend all my time on the ice when I could be doing anything else? Is it because I just hate to lose and skating is the only thing I know? Or is it all because I desired to meet Viktor? Is that all it is, some kind of strange hero worship gone too far?_ It was strange, but Yuuri struggled to remember a time before Viktor... but it was still there. Buried deep and coated with dust.

**_No._ **

It was because of the feeling of freedom. It was the adrenaline rush he got from challenging gravity at high speeds; practically taking flight. It was the moments, which had become rarer as he had grown, when he felt beautiful and graceful. Skating also grounded him in a way that nothing else had, except perhaps ballet. Viktor may have been his idol, but when he was on the ice the whole world melted away and nothing could touch him there. Not pain nor fear, only the freedom he’d always lacked. Finally...

"I skate because... I skate because it's fun," Yuuri said, he voice quiet. _I can’t believe I had forgotten that._ "Thanks JJ."

"That's JJ style," JJ said, striking his signature pose, to which Yuuri had found himself laughing. JJ's grin became a bit wider. _I wonder, were we meant to laugh? The pose is rather ridiculous after all. Maybe everyone just has been taking him too seriously._

"I better be going," Yuuri said, as he remembered Phichit. "I would say good luck...but I want to get married, so see you there?"

That startled a laugh out of JJ. "Haven't you already won gold?"

Yuuri's eyes were drawn back to the ring on his hand and he smiled. "Yeah, I guess I have."

"Yuuri, there you are. I thought I told you not to keep me waiting," Phichit said, and grabbed hold of Yuuri's arm. "Oh, hi JJ. Yuuri will be going now. See you tomorrow." Yuuri waved to JJ, as he let himself get dragged towards Phichit's room, before finally taking the initiative to actually walk the rest of the way.

"Sorry about that. I actually left early,  but I ran into JJ," Yuuri said, embarrassed now that he had made Phichit wait when the only reason he was back in the hotel already was because Yuuri had needed him.

"Glad to see you're looking happier at least. So what happened?" Phichit said, as he unlocked the door and flipped on the light, before ushering Yuuri into the room.

"Phichit, do you think that Viktor wants to go back to skating?" Yuuri said, and sat down on one of the beds.

"How should I know? Did he say something?" Phichit asked, his voice almost pleading and his eyes lighting up as he joined Yuuri on the bed. Just as quickly as his expression lifted it fell, his expression turned a bit guilty at his excitement.

"It's okay. I know a lot of people want him to return,  no he has said anything. Actually he hasn't really said anything to me since I came off the ice," Yuuri said, dropping his face into his hands as exhaustion hit him. "He even disappeared in the middle of my interview."

"Huh, that is odd," Phichit said and struck a thoughtful pose, before his eyes widened dramatically and he suddenly leaned closer to look into Yuuri's eyes. "You aren't doubting his feelings for you, are you?" It was strange to realise it, but Yuuri realised he hadn't actually doubted them at all. It hadn't occurred to him.

"No...I- Should I?" Yuuri said and Phichit jumped back in alarm.

"No. Definitely not. I was just worried that you would be, but this is good," Phichit said. "Hang on."

Phichit quickly pulled out his phone and opened Instagram, he pulled Yuuri close to snap a selfie. Used to Phichit's antics by now, Yuuri just gave his best smile.

"With BFF Yuuri Katsuki, hashtag D&M." he muttered out loud as he typed. Satisfied for now, Phichit put his phone away and Yuuri decided not to question what that was about. "So if it is not that, then what are you stressing about?"

"I don't know. He is so different today and he won't talk to me. He just headed straight for the bathroom after we got back , it’s like he just didn't want to be around me," Yuuri said and Phichit returned to his side and wrapped an arm around him.

"Oh Yuuri."

"I know that he cares for me, but what about as a skater? Did I ruin everything because I wanted to do that quad flip? Is he angry that I didn't listen to him? Is he wishing he was training someone else? Some better? Yurio maybe?"

"Yuuri, I am trying not to be offended here," Phichit said and Yuuri blinked at him in confusion. "You do remember that you are ahead of me in the leaderboard, right?"

Yuuri nodded slowly but said nothing.

Phichit looked at him fiercely, his tone no longer joking but expressing a rare kind of seriousness "So you know that by putting yourself down as a skater, you are putting me, your competitor, down too right?"

_What…?_

**_Oh._ **

"Oh God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You were amazing," Yuuri said, his hands waved around in front of himself. _I can’t believe I just did that._

"Yes, I was amazing,” he quipped, lightness returning to his voice, “but even with that flubbed quad flip you are still ahead of me, so don't you dare say you aren't good enough," Phichit gave Yuuri another squeeze. "And Yuuri, don't you dare count yourself out either, you hear. I want you to fight for that gold. I want you to fight so no one can say I got my win too easy. Okay?"

"Okay," Yuuri said with a laugh, leaning into the familiar comfort his friend offered.

Phichit's face turned serious again as he said, "Hey Yuuri, not that I don't think Victor's great and all. I mean, he has clearly helped you a lot. I haven’t seen you this happy or doing so well in your skating before… but do you really think Viktor is the best coach for you? He's a talented skater, but you clearly have problems communicating and he doesn't know how to manage you very well."

"To be fair, Ciao Ciao didn't really know how to handle me either," Yuuri said, as he felt the need to defend Viktor.

"He got you to the Grand Prix Finals last year didn't he?" Phichit said frowing.

"Yeah, I guess," Yuuri said, conceding at least that point.

"As far as I see things you have a choice. Either find a way to be more open with Viktor and work this out or find yourself a new coach," Phichit said.

The pair sat in silence a moment as this statement sunk in, Yuuri could feel his friend’s concern.

"To be honest, I'm not sure I will even continue skating after the Finals," Yuuri whispered and Phichit gasped.

"Yuuri, you can't mean that," Phichit said and reached to grab both of Yuuri's hands.

"Why not?” Yuuri spat, ripping his hands away from Phichit and standing abruptly to pace “Why shouldn't I mean it? I mean, I am hardly going to get much better since I have already passed my prime. I should just leave now while I still am somewhat respected," Yuuri ground out, his voice suddenly losing its aggressive edge. "At least now it shouldn't be as bad as if I had quit last year."

"Yuuri. I know you know this, but Victor is 27, going on 28. I only know this because of you; because you made me memorise every single one of Viktor’s statistics.” Phichit rose from the bed to grab Yuuri’s shoulders and force eye contact again “My point is, nearly everyone wants him to come back for at least one more season despite his age. The only person who doesn't is Viktor, but again according to you that is due to imagination, not skill," Phichit shook Yuuri’s shoulder’s slightly, as if to help get the point across. "You told me that he’s focused so much on surprising the audience, that he had forgotten how to surprise himself."

"You can't compare me to Viktor," Yuuri groaned, and covered his eyes. "Besides, you hardly need to remind me that everyone hates me because he decided to coach me."

"But Yuuri, that's not what I meant at all. Besides, I thought that you liked being known as the person to steal Viktor from the world," Phichit finished with a suggestive lilt. "But seriously, you have to keep skating. You can train kids or run the onsen, or whatever, after you give yourself at least two more years on the ice. You can’t just let everyone down, you have people who look up to you! More than you realise…" Phichit, suddenly stopped himself and Yuuri looked over at his friend.

It took a lot to get Phichit to stop talking when he was passionate about something and Yuuri hadn't heard Phichit this passionate since the night he told Yuuri he had chosen to use the songs from the “King and the Skater” one and two, for his new skating routines. They had then spent hours re-watching the movies, despite having watched them a dozen times already, pausing to discuss themes, plot lines of the movies, skate sequences and how Phichit could interpret the essence of the movies in his routine. Phichit had always been braver than Yuuri about suggesting his own contributions to the routine, and he always sought Yuuri's advice about presentation.

Deciding his friend needed prompting, Yuuri urged him, "Phichit?"

Phichit just looked torn for a moment, before he steeled himself and said, "Yuuri, you need to keep skating. People look up to you for inspiration, and I don’t just mean Minami…your skating had a greater impact than you know…"

"Huh?" _Well this is certainly not where I expected the conversation to go_. "What do you mean? I'm..."

"Yuuri, I thought I told you to stop putting me down," Phichit said, and a slight whine entered his voice again.

"But I..."

"I didn't even qualify for the finals last year and people were talking about the possibility that you could have placed if you had skated as well as you had in the qualifying rounds," Phichit lectured and Yuuri didn't know what to do.

He wasn't used to being forced to talk about how he may actually be good. It just wasn't done.

"Yuuri, you have been so fixated on Viktor for so long that he is all you ever think about or compare yourself to.  It’s like you’re wearing blinders, you miss so much because of it. We both know that Viktor is a miracle on ice, but that doesn't make him the only skater in the world. If you just stopped comparing yourself to him, trying to keep up with your image of who he was, maybe you will see just how amazing you are. After all, you judge the other skaters on their own merits, rather than against Viktor."

"I guess so, but all I wanted for so long was to be able to meet with him on the ice as equals, and I..." Yuuri felt tears start to well up in his eyes and Phichit pulled him into a hug.

"Yuuri, this is what I'm talking about. You don't think for a second that the other skaters are unworthy, but for some reason you think you are," Phichit said softly and rubbed Yuuri's back. "The worst part is that so often when we were living in Detroit, I nearly quit skating..."

Yuuri jerked back, eyes wide and bewildered. "But Phichit..."

"And then I would get to the rink to see my best friend had already beaten me there and you would be skating around in boring old practice clothes, but you would be so beautiful and I would think, maybe I will give it a bit longer," Phichit's voice sounded wistful. "Because you may not be as naturally talented as the Viktor’s of the world, but you put so much of your heart into skating that you shine with it and I wanted to be like that too."

"But he's Viktor Nikiforov and if I fail… If I fail everyone will be right. Viktor would have wasted a whole season training me and for nothing," Yuuri said quietly. "And the way he was watching the other skaters today..." Phichit pulled him back into a hug and Yuuri let his head rest against his friend's shoulder.

"Yuuri, I believe Viktor loves you. Viktor wants to marry you, doesn’t he? I don't think he has ever been so happy in his entire life. You did that. Not a medal. Though possibly the gold helped,” Phichit said, and nudged Yuuri. “Besides, if Viktor cared what people thought, then he would never have come to Japan."

 _I didn’t make a mistake coming here_. Yuuri nodded, wiping his eyes.

“I don’t think anyone could call the time you both spent together wasted. Medal or no medal.” Phitchit leaded forward and knocked their heads together gently before whispering “By the way, your phone is buzzing.”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to take it off silent,” Yuuri said, and pulled back to reach into his pocket and draw out his phone. His smile faltered only a moment as he looked at the screen. “Viktor’s been messaging me.” Yuuri got pulled away from the messages by a sharp jab and looked up to see Phichit looking annoyed.

“Yuuri, you didn’t tell him where you were going, did you?” Phichit said and Yuuri shook his head. Phichit sighed and put his head in his hand. “Just go and see your fiancé, okay?”

“O-okay,” Yuuri said, and got off the bed. “And Phichit, thank you.”

“I know. I’m awesome, now go. I have to order dinner already,” Phichit said.

“Oh, right, sorry about that,” Yuuri said, remembering the time with a twinge of guilt. “My shout next time! See you tomorrow then.”

“Sure,” Phichit said with a smile and Yuuri turned to go, before he remembered something.

“Hey, Phichit, you said before that I inspire people… like you knew something I don’t. Who would be inspired by me, except Minami?” Yuuri said, and turned back to his friend, whose eyes widened.

“Nope! I’m not saying a word, that’s one cranky kitty that I don’t want to tick off.” Phichit said. “My fans would cry if I died from one of his tantrums! Can’t go devastating them like that can I?” Yuuri had a sudden flash of Yurio nearly tossing him and Viktor off the “kiss and cry” bench earlier and shakes his head. _Now I’m just getting ridiculous._

“Okay then…” Yuuri said and left.

  

* * *

 

 

When he stepped out in the hallway, though, he heard a call of, “Hey, Pork Cutlet Bowl.” Yuuri smiled and turned to see Yurio marching down the hall towards him. It seemed he was going to be talking to everyone tonight.

“Oh, hi Yurio,” Yuuri said and ignored Yurio’s growl at the nickname. “You having a quiet night too, huh.”

“Not that it’s your business, but I am watching movies with Otabek, but we ran out of drinks,” Yurio snapped. “I thought you would be cozying up to Viktor. That is all you two do these days, isn’t it.”

“I was visiting Phichit, since I needed his help with something,” Yuuri said and Yurio gave a grunt.

“Whatever,” he said and went to keep walking, but a few metres away he stopped. “You better win silver tomorrow, do you hear me?”

“I hear you, though I am thinking gold is more my colour,” Yuuri said and Yurio gave another grunt.

“Just don’t you dare let that shithead J.J. get above you in the podium, okay?” Yurio said, and Yuuri laughed.

“I’ll do my best,” Yuuri said. “Goodnight Yurio.”

 

* * *

 

 

The walk back to his own room seemed to take both more and less time than it had when he had left. As Yuuri entered the room, he realised that Viktor had only just left the bathroom and his heart gave a hard thump to see him dressed in only the fluffy, white robe and toweling his hair.

Viktor looked up realising he was no longer alone, and he turned his head to look at Yuuri, whose breath caught. It just wasn’t fair that Viktor could look so beautiful.

“Did you have a good talk with Phichit?” Viktor asked with a single raised brow, his voice devastatingly neutral. Yuuri wished he could tell what Viktor thought right then, but he just couldn’t.

“Uh, yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going, but I thought you might want some time alone,” Yuuri said, feeling embarrassed. _Please, Viktor, just talk to me._ “Do you want to order dinner or something?”

“Sure,” Viktor said and came over to Yuuri’s side. Yuuri got him the menu. This close Yuuri could feel almost feel the warmth of Victor’s body and smell the lingering scent of his body wash.

“I missed you,” Yuuri blurted out, as Viktor reached for the phone, only to still as the words processed. “I just wanted you to know…” Yuuri was cut off as Viktor spun to hug him tightly and Yuuri closed his eyes to just enjoy the moment. “I was just so scared and you weren’t talking to me. I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry Yuuri,” Viktor said, and pressed a kiss to the side of Yuuri’s head, causing him to flush brightly. “I didn’t think.”

“That’s okay Viktor. For now let’s just order dinner, okay?” Yuuri said, and Viktor dialed room service, checking with Yuuri for his order. Yuuri had decided to go with a very light dinner, he still hadn’t fully regained his appetite from earlier. After hanging up, Viktor went to sit by the window and looked up at Yuuri. Meanwhile Yuuri felt his phone buzz and he noticed Minako had posted a photo. Opening up the app, he scrolled down to see a picture of Minako with his sister and Ciao Ciao around a bar.

“Apparently Minako is drinking with Celestino at the bar,” Yuuri said to Viktor, who had returned to toweling his hair.

“Wow, best to keep our distance,” Viktor said, and shuddered a little, before he put the towel down. “By the way Yuuri, what did you want to talk to me about?” Yuuri moved to sit on the bed across from him. He didn’t know what to say. He was feeling a lot better after talking to Phichit and JJ, but maybe he should give Phichit’s suggestion some more thought. Put it out there at the very least.

“Right,” Yuuri said, and tightened his fists a little harder to push him through the next words. “After the Final, let’s end this.”

“Huuuuuh?” Viktor said and he fell back a little. It was only then that Yuuri realised how those words could have sounded.

“No. No. I mean, after the final, maybe I could get a new coach,” Yuuri said and then realised that might sound just as bad. “I mean, you have been a great coach to me, really. I wouldn’t be in the Finals without you, but…” Viktor sighed.

“I understand,” Viktor said and held up a hand as Yuuri automatically went to protest. “No, Yuuri, I do. I haven’t been there for you the way I should have been and you deserve better.”

“It’s just, even with your support, I still have a really hard time before and after a skate… and I know that today has been hard for you. You lost a record that you probably expected to hold for at least a couple more years. This has also been the first Final where you haven’t been competing, but…” Yuuri took a shuddering breath. “…I needed you today Viktor. I haven’t scored nearly this badly in a short program since the Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Championship and I only beat that score today by about three and a half points.”

“Does this mean that you want to keep skating next year?” Viktor said.

“Maybe. I haven’t completely decided,” Yuuri said, and put the phone on his bed so he could lean back and look up at the ceiling. “What about you, have you thought about skating next year?”

Viktor gave a short, sharp laugh, and said, “Viktor Nikiforov is dead.”

Now it was Yuuri’s time to be confused. “I don’t understand.”

“It was something Yurio said to me this morning and I couldn’t stop thinking about it during the short programs,” Viktor said. “It’s true though. I can’t go back to ice skating. Not now that I have finally found someone I want to hold onto.” Yuuri blushed bright red. He didn’t know Viktor had watched his little declaration after the Championship, or at least, he hadn’t known Viktor had understood it. “Let me know when you make up your mind though. I can help you find a new coach.”

“Would you still help me with the choreography?” Yuuri said, his voice quiet.

“Of course. If you want me to that is,” Viktor said and Yuuri nodded. “Well then of course I will. Though, Yuuri?”

“Yes, Viktor?”

“What are your thoughts on us getting our own place together after the Finals?” Viktor said and Yuuri’s dropped to stare at Viktor in shock. “I mean, I will miss the onsen, but we should be able to find somewhere nearby, so we should be able to visit often enough. Besides, if we are going to be married we should have our own space, no?”

“I guess I have been so caught up in the competition I hadn’t really thought about that,” Yuuri said and Viktor leaned across the space dividing them.

“And now?” Viktor said, his voice so seductive Yuuri felt himself melt.

“I-I guess we should,” Yuuri said, mildly hypnotised and Viktor beamed.

“Very good. After the competition we can visit Russia and I can pack up my things to send over to Japan and then we can find a house,” Viktor said and sprung off his seat next to the window to knock Yuuri over with a hug. _How is this my life…? But, I think. I think I’m excited._ Yuuri’s eyes closed as he returned the hug. His heart doing funny things in his chest as he thought about what living with just Viktor would be like. He hadn’t really felt like this since the first day that Viktor had shown up on his doorstep. Hadn’t really had time to completely process the transitions of their relationship and now he was getting forever. It seemed too amazing to be true.

There was a knock on the door and Yuuri went to open in to let the man deliver the room service. Yuuri had all of a sudden regained his appetite at the smell of the food and wondered if he shouldn’t just place another order with the attendant. The attendant carried the food over to their small table, before bidding them goodnight. When Yuuri turned back to Viktor, he realised that the man was dressed for bed already and was in the process of sitting at the table.

“So, Yuuri, for tonight, I am still your coach, so let’s talk about your short program, shall we?” Viktor said, with a grin that he probably thought was charming, but Yuuri found usually indicated great evil.

“I guess,” Yuuri said with a sigh and joined Viktor at the table. Animated now, Viktor started listing everything that Yuuri could have done differently and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at the ridiculous man. _I really love my life._


End file.
